Sunday, January 29, 2006
21:25

i'd never thought i'd feel this lonely.. and when i needed you.. where are you? i can't even find you...

well, the morning went pretty well (and hyper) for me... and the afternoon was real good too. the morning was spent in church.. and things went well. reached church just in time for practice. haha, got a few ang pows from the church choir too. but i still felt like cny ain't really meaningful this year. loadsa family craps got in the way, and to be honest, i feel real stupid. i find these problems so repetitive and the adults are always fighting and quarreling. and once they get so angry with each other, all they do is find stuffs to nag at. yup, stuffs, not their children. as much as we want to understand what adults are going through, ain't it only fair if you people just spare a thought for the youngsters around? and they always tend to bring up sad stuffs around the festive seasons. adults always feel that naggings and scoldings are the best way to teach a child.. please lah, that is so wrong... and yesterday... i just felt so lost and upset, and it was a real bad night too. feeling so lonely and all.. since everyone thought i'd was the wrong one just replying back to her in the matter she doesn't like. tell me how screwed that is. it's new year, and as much as i want to get into a new year well... i wldn't want to be blamed for things i didn't do... =( and i dunt know.. someone just disappeared.. and when i needed my soulmate the most... d0rts.. it was a sad sad sad new year's eve.

the afternoon was spent at lido. we watched 'I Not Stupid Too' and it was AWESOME. a touching and inspiring movie, i felt like Jack Neo really potrayed in the show the various thoughts of kids and teens, and how they really feel when parents think the opposite. i feel that every parent has their limits, and this show is highly recommended for parents who feel that their kids don't care and that parents are always right. i'd not talk about parents only, but i feel that teens should really watch it, cause it also shows that some parents care, just that they don't know how to show they love us. but then again... its human nature to believe only what they see with their own eyes... so it's real hard lah... i really like this show, and you can really tear at some parts of it lahh.. unless you're real heartless. it's both sad and comical, and with the dialects and all.. the show is well done lah =)

when we came back, our uncle, aunt and cousins came over to pass us ang pows. they just lived 2 units away, so it didn't really make much of a difference. spoke a little to my cousins, and i realised how much someone changed. she was so... different, and the way she spoke and they way she wanted to dress. that's really so not like her lahh. sighh, i wonder if it's really the new mixed school life that has changed her.. lets just hope she wont get too rebellious lahh. =X

went over to my uncle's house for dinner, and again it didn't feel much of a difference lah, just that we had abalone.. lols. i love it. heh.

just now when my ah ma refused to hug me when i wished her, my eyes were wet.. i really don't know what to do now. i'd never expected her to hate me when i'd really honestly done nothing wrong to her. as much as i wanted to understand her, i don't know why she'd to keep on picking on me, even on cny. i'm really upset, and i wish i could turn things around. i hope for the day when she would accept me for who i really am.

somehow, i'm not even sure such a day would exist. i'm just hoping for the better.. sigh

ah well, sad stuffs aside.. i'm gonna go to visit my mother's side relatives tomorrow.. and i might be able to forget all the sad things.. i hope.

ciiao``

-ALLinthenameofLOVE
*say goodbye to yesterday