Friday, April 29, 2005
00:45

its so late at nite alreadii... new day somemore... but im still awake. usually at tis hour... i wld b doiing my hmwk... seriously doing n putting in the effort to finish up my work. but at tis very nite... i dont knw why... but i cant even finish my hmwk... deep down inside i feel so lousy... very upset too... super down... its not only bcus ive been failling 4 tests consecutively... gahh it kindaa contributes to my sad days but... it doesnt mean tt im gonna b oh so upset over resultz onli rite... there are other things too. other things i thot was overr. nopenope its not soley abt love shitts again. its never gonna b... cus its so retarded... to b tinking abt some person/jerk/idiot hu doesnt even care abt you being upset... no point tinking abt it soley... n besides... things r kinda settled... just tt there are some rough patches on tis acryllic workkpiece... yupp. there was a big crackk den... now repaired... bt not polishedd... have yet to put e kiwi on it to rubb it... bt i dunno if thiings will actually b perfect... gah. doubt so... unless gt miracle..

i dont understandd... he used to luv herr... den he used to tell me he hated herr... n she's a hopeless person etc... but now? it seems lyk things haf changed so much! its now lyk... [like->love->hate->detest->average->love again?]. how can u plot a graphh lidat? its wierdd lehh.. e plunges n e increases are all so sudden... hais. r my sources reliable? or m i tinking too much? is he really lieing to me? wld he eva backstab me? or is he acting in front of her... n jus acting jus bcus he wanna b accepted... i dont wanna knw... n i pray i wont fiind out... i dunwanna loose my trust in anotherr fren jus bcus of herr... it happened b4... n i hella regretted it... so much... cus i miss tt dearrr fren of mine... and i knw it can nvr go back 2 e way it was agaiin cus... i nvr had a serious tok to him fer a damn long time le... and there is no point regretting cus its all over n i haf to move on... bt tis particularr person... tis 'him' person... i can still prevent hist frm repeatingg itselff... i can jus... act infront of him n pretend tt im fine w everythiingg... y not... bt i knw... ill b decieving myself.. so muchh... ill b jus living a fake life... nt knwing e truth...had a gd cry las nite... cus of tis situation too... but i didnt shed a tear today...does he really luv her? why issit bothering me so much!?!?!??! cus i caree.. n i myself dunwanna live in a world of lies. i dont knw wad to do... sighh sighh... i dont knw wad to do... if tis causes a frenship to spoil... id rather not haf feelingz... my doubts r alwaex increasing everyday... issit bcus of jealousy? i rly rly hope not...

"he"->
if u rly wanna clarify thiings w me... by all means... u can... bt dont blame me if our frenship turns around n go suckily... cus e fault lies w u too.i dunwanna assume immediately tt u've been lieing and all tt... so i rly m willing to hearr it out... wiling to discuss thiings... cus i dunwanna makee e same badd decision lyk las yearr.

sigh. aft one frenship prob settles. another one comes in. there is no point wan lorr... everytime e same thiing... wan cry oso no tears to shed alreadi lah... grrr.

gettin myself outa herre.. bye guyz

-ALLinthenameofLOVE
*say goodbye to yesterday