Saturday, February 05, 2005
11:42

las nite was totally horrendous... i woke up in e middle of e nite n puked. fuck siaz. e med is so strongg... n i dreaded takin it tis morn... no choice... n worst... mi dad make me use tt digustin taste sparklin lemon waterr... pls lor... it really really sucks... n it pisses me off! grr... -sighh- i feel so tired... i dunwanna go fer piano.. im feelin supa sickk...

really wanna screw tis life of mine... when i looked in2 e mirror tis morn... i was lyk... 'oh mann, r u sure tis is me?' i looked lyk a walkin corpse... sighh... so empty inside... n my life is so... ughh... fkin meaningless? sighh...

managed 2 onli do one test paper fer mi piano theoryy gd6 de... i realli cant tahan... need help oso dun haff... im nt diein bcus of stress... im diein cus my life is so meaningless... i knw i decided tt i wanted a slackkened life... but... it doesnt meann tt i dunwan ani emotions in it ryte... no one geddit... they alwaez tink im e one hu wans my life to b in tis horrendous state... pls lorr...

i was forced to wake up at 10am todayy... im still so sickk... keep wantin to sleeeep... den when i wan to slp more... i get nagged at... n they ALWAEZ ask mi if i gt do mi piano hmwk anot... sighh... i reali duno wad to sayy...

its nt assif i haf someone by mi side 24/7 tellin mi life's gonna b okayy... dun worry etc... i cant even stayy online so late in2 e nite le... i cant tok to him n confide in him as a gd bud le... screw authorities lor... i really need him n they do tis to me... n today jerm's gonna help me w smth... i duno how it'll turn out... if its reali tt negative... i can sayy i giv up on mi fkin life le... i giv up on mi fkin house le...

even when im typin i feel lyk cryin. when every1 confides in me... i dun mind... im happi to lend them a listenin ear... i reali dun mind n i appreciate them... fer theyy keep mi mind occupied w smth else... but when i really need fkin need help... i realli dun geddit! they all dun care... dey jus tink tt once their life is gd... everyone else ard them is enjoyin life... n they make it sound so... ez... u tell me la... how manyy ppl is willin to stand by me.... tellin me everythin's gonna b okayy...

no one... hais... no one``

sighh.. loggin off... will blog more l8er i guess... bye guys

-ALLinthenameofLOVE
*say goodbye to yesterday