Tuesday, February 15, 2005
20:30

haha came backk at 3+ todayy. lied to mi ah ma tt i ate le. today was a damn fucked up day. sry fer e vulgarities, but there aint any other wayy i can vent all my anger/sadness n jus everythingg. i broke down jus now, e moment i came home. was alone la, tts y i cld do sucha thingg... i really broke down. i cant take it anymore, i really hate my life. i hate 2 do anithingg. i cant focus, my energy is drained. e feeling sucks. n to those hu said they're alwaex gonna b there/support mi, were u? honestly, u guys didnt care. only 3 dear frens really did, n i dunoe how to thank them.

thanks pris. thanks jerm. and clare

really owe them quite alot... esp recently... hahaz... they're me gd frenz lahh, though diff class (in clare's case, diff sch)... but... i dun c it hard 2 mantain a gd frenshipp ba... today, had chi ca... i didnt understand a single thing... haiz... i jus wrote bullshit.. it'll b a miracle if i pass or even do well lohh... woke up at 7.15... n i gt yelled/nagged by my ah ma... wtf... giv me a life can? i really sick n tired of livingg... den i thot things wld betta aft recess... or mebbe even aft sch... but i duno y... everythin's so bullshit... i didnt feel any support to lean on... i felt so dead.. i really needed someone's shoulder on... but everyone seems so... emotionless... hAix... wun say names... oh wellz... m i feelin tis wayy jus bcus im too emotional? when i need help alwaex veh few ppl come... when everyone else needs help... dey come 2 me... scream/yell/cry all they want... i didnt ignore them... i helped loh... but... oh wellz... mebbe its jus fated fer me to live liddat... m i meant to b a listening ear onli? everything's fking bs huh...

came home... threw everything everywhere... n jus... cried... fking hell.. i cried so muchh... GRR... i jus slammed myself on mi bed.. n cried... hais... i duno wad to do nia... hate it.. so HATE IT!

pRsS-> i really needa thank u e most. if u didnt read tt sms, i really duno wad wld haf happened. really grateful to haf u as a gd fren, n lyk you'll b here fer me 24/7, ill b here fer u as well too. thx fer remindin me abt my reason to live... n findin mi purpose in life n (i said it to u awhile ago, but i guess i was too upset n didnt rmb wad i said)... yeahh i honestly cldnt haf calmed down alot if it wasnt fer u. u've helped me alot n really thanks alot fer lyk...mostly everythingg? i will help u if anithingg regardin anithin okie. n on Sat nite-Sun morn (12/2~13/2)tt issue... dun mention it yahh~ tts wad true frenz r fer...

jErM-> though u jus came backk frm sch in e afternoon... at least u replied my sms... cld feel e care n concern as a gd bud...some of e sore parts haf been settled jus now... haiz... thx fer talkin to mi online... n thx fer helpin me, n ill also b here fer u 24/7 okie~ dun worry, ill b here fer u if u need ani help regardin anithin *wiNkZ*

cLaRe-> didnt sms u jus now, cus u were in choir mahh... dun worry i didnt 4get u... but hey gurL... i realli REALLI appreciate ur care/concern n all tt... i honestlyy duno wad i can b w/o ur constant support. when u gave me e advices n ur opinions jus now... i realli felt e warmth of our friendship. u mean alot 2 me gurL... ive nvr said it 2 u b4... but... ur somethin lyk a sis to me... jus tt we dun meet tt often so i cant reali call u one... seeing u on sundayys... alreadi alot... reali hope we can spend more time 2gether yahh... will miss u loads everydayy... =) gurL... realli thankss... n nike 4eva... XD

to all those hu cares-> do u really really do? there r ppl hu claim they care... but do they even bother? hAiz

signing off... i re-editted tis post lyk 3 times... haiz...
take care guys... luv ya all... u 3 ppL reali rock mi world (clare, jerm n pris)

-ALLinthenameofLOVE
*say goodbye to yesterday